Pete Lee

Sunday, November 27, 2005

27 Days Later

Well, Sarah and Marcus, I'm finally posting a blog entry for yous...

School has become increasingly hard. Well, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm studying the 12-16 hours a week recommended by my A&P teacher for an A. Outside of the 8 hours of week in class, I've probably been studying an average of eight hours a week. It's not the most optimal of study, but it's been enough to get me by. I'm confident I'll be in B grade range for the class, or perhaps an A. I am, however, needing to kick it up a notch: memorizing muscles and bones is not difficult, but very time consuming. (I've discovered that physiology is considerably easier for me to learn over rote memorization of body parts.) And, around December 12th, we've got a lecture and lab final that will prove to be an ass-kicker. Going out to drink midweek has been more or less impossible (good news for my liver, really).

Work has been troubling. Everything is going a bit smoother now, but a few weeks ago, I wasn't 100% certain that I'd have a job past the end of December. A detail that I either missed or wasn't mentioned was that my consulting gig was basically on a month-to-month basis. I'm not complaining: I'm doing a job I generally enjoy, for which I'm being paid a respectable salary. However, the day-to-day pressures of work, stress from studying for school and significant fears about whether or not I'd be able to pay for Nursing school next Fall resulted in some very acute anxiety. Week before last was absolutely hellish: I had an emotional meltdown over the entire melange of things happening.

The journey is the reward. All of the above has encouraged me to put things in a different perspective. During the meltdown, I felt as if I was in a deep, dark pit, having climbed up a ladder into a future for which the next rung was missing. Now, I've had to confront my fears about what the future holds. There are no guarantees, but I now understand that I have to plan both my finances and time better. And, I am very grateful for the support and sage words of my girlfriend and long-time friends to get me through to the next step. As much as I hate to say it, it's confronting and overcoming these challenges that is the path to wisdom. Easier said than done, for sure. Trying to improve circumstances one day at a time: that's my goal.

In the words of a journalist whose storied life is the subject of an excellent movie, "Good Night, And Good Luck."


  • Indeed, my friend, The Journey Is The Reward.

    It's great to see you so focused on school, but as you write, that focus tends to cause anxiety. The trick (for me, anyway) is to turn that anxiety outward into action, rather than inward into a self-destructive spiral.

    We do have to take things one day at a time. We have goals that may take years to achieve, but we can't loose sight that every day has something enjoyable in it. I certainly lost that concept and focused instead on how I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't making everyone else in my life happy. I got stuck in that spiral for many years, and it's amazing that I didn't splat into the ground.

    It's ultimately taken this very strange (and not entirely resolved) medical crisis to finish snapping me back into the concept of simply trying to enjoy each and every day. To paraphrase a story from This American Life, I'm alive, I have two arms and legs and a brain. How cool is that?

    It's true that we can't live only for today, but we can't live without it either. What's so neat about your post is that while I'm trying to encourage and help you fulfill your longer-term goals, you're helping me to, as you put it so aptly, "live more in the moment."

    Thanks, brother.

    By Anonymous pdx_refugee, at Tuesday, November 29, 2005 5:04:00 PM  

  • Hey welcome back! Despite the stress of it all, I am guessing that you are heading in the right direction for work your ass off man. And just think about that Christmas break from can work on the midweek liver murder again.

    By Blogger Sarah, at Sunday, December 04, 2005 12:40:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home