Pete Lee

Monday, October 31, 2005

A reason to keep on living

Whenever studying the nine trillion bones in the skull weighs heavily on me, I just remember that SantaCon is in 35 days. This is the "Santa Rampage" that Chuck Palahniuk referred to in his book Fugitives and Refugees, A Walk in Portland, Oregon.

If you are planning on coming to this, I highly recommend that you arrange for a designated driver or pool for a taxi. Copious amounts of holiday cheer will be available, and public transit will be taken from place to place (an all-day TriMet ticket is a very good idea).

Oh yes, my friend who made the "Reindeer Fucker" that Palahniuk mentioned will be there, very likely with samples. Sweet baby Jeebus.

WHEN? December 17th, 12:00 NOON
WHERE? Portland Saturday Market (food-court area)

From, The Rules:

* Every Santa is referred to as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.
* Have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.
* NEVER wash the suit.
* And, uh... I forget the rest. Pass me the Pine-Sol bottle....

* Don't fuck with the cops. If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.

* Don't fuck with little kids. I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdoes of tomorrow.

* Don't fuck with store security. If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santas will take shit for it.

* Don't fuck with Santa or I'll puke on your suit, you damned imposter.


Post a Comment

<< Home